A wave of fear.
Unbelief and upset.
Destiny or destination?
In the car, after school. Allergy daughter next to me, talks, small talks, school is out, time out, on our way home, short stop. Bakery, one of our favorite spots. Because we love the French touch, we miss that ambiance, the girls like to dream about everything they will eat the coming summer back home in Cassis.
Anyway. Today, before yesterday in fact I make the stop, we walk together and laugh.
Bread, plain and a small pound cake. The one we had and taste so often the last 2,5 years. A similar flavor as the home made one although slightly more sticky.
S takes a bit and I look to the smiling face of the lady who I payed for our goods.
We leave, I ask for a small piece, S breaks the cake and hands me the piece, it like a crumble I chew and say this tastes almonds. S enters the car before me I start the engine. We leave and hit the auto way back home. It's just the Mohammed VI, straight on for 5 minutes when traffic is not dense. But it is, I can't make speed..
S starts talking, louder, screams, throws her bag , searches for medication, screams:'I feel so terrible, I feel so strange, my lip, my mouth, I don't feel OK, this is not good?. I drive, I look, I don't know what I can do, I need to keep the car on the road, I see her moving around, throwing stuff all around, wild, her medication. One, two, three pills. She feels sick, she doesn't feel any better. 'We could use the epi pen?!''No, no I don't want to, I can't, where should we go, then I need to be directly in the hospital'. I become kind of hysterical. I feel I am not in power, I react not in the right way, I look around in the car, for water, no bottle, nothing. Can't get off from the auto way.
S is observing her lip, her mouth in the small mirror.
She feels strange, I try to convince her, stay calm, don't scream, we are home, almost, I'll give you water, you'll lay down, you'll take a rest, you will be fine. I love you, don't worry.
'I can't eat anything, this is awful, I hate this...' 'True, it's so sad'.
Home, running, water, safe, home, sisters, peace, exhausted, excitement, energy flow.
Her skin is pale, her lip is swollen inside of her mouth, she's tired, I bring her upstairs, pajama's, she lays down, just needs a long rest, I try to comfort her.
Life is precious, reactions can stay out for so long, you feel safe and kind of forget, I do, she does less probably, and then all of a sudden, it's there again out of the blue as it seems, it hasn't been away of course. Her reaction was so mature, so controlled. I admire my (allergy) daughter for this and so much more! Vulnerable.
Unbelief and upset.
Destiny or destination?
In the car, after school. Allergy daughter next to me, talks, small talks, school is out, time out, on our way home, short stop. Bakery, one of our favorite spots. Because we love the French touch, we miss that ambiance, the girls like to dream about everything they will eat the coming summer back home in Cassis.
Anyway. Today, before yesterday in fact I make the stop, we walk together and laugh.
Bread, plain and a small pound cake. The one we had and taste so often the last 2,5 years. A similar flavor as the home made one although slightly more sticky.
S takes a bit and I look to the smiling face of the lady who I payed for our goods.
We leave, I ask for a small piece, S breaks the cake and hands me the piece, it like a crumble I chew and say this tastes almonds. S enters the car before me I start the engine. We leave and hit the auto way back home. It's just the Mohammed VI, straight on for 5 minutes when traffic is not dense. But it is, I can't make speed..
S starts talking, louder, screams, throws her bag , searches for medication, screams:'I feel so terrible, I feel so strange, my lip, my mouth, I don't feel OK, this is not good?. I drive, I look, I don't know what I can do, I need to keep the car on the road, I see her moving around, throwing stuff all around, wild, her medication. One, two, three pills. She feels sick, she doesn't feel any better. 'We could use the epi pen?!''No, no I don't want to, I can't, where should we go, then I need to be directly in the hospital'. I become kind of hysterical. I feel I am not in power, I react not in the right way, I look around in the car, for water, no bottle, nothing. Can't get off from the auto way.
S is observing her lip, her mouth in the small mirror.
She feels strange, I try to convince her, stay calm, don't scream, we are home, almost, I'll give you water, you'll lay down, you'll take a rest, you will be fine. I love you, don't worry.
'I can't eat anything, this is awful, I hate this...' 'True, it's so sad'.
Home, running, water, safe, home, sisters, peace, exhausted, excitement, energy flow.
Her skin is pale, her lip is swollen inside of her mouth, she's tired, I bring her upstairs, pajama's, she lays down, just needs a long rest, I try to comfort her.
Life is precious, reactions can stay out for so long, you feel safe and kind of forget, I do, she does less probably, and then all of a sudden, it's there again out of the blue as it seems, it hasn't been away of course. Her reaction was so mature, so controlled. I admire my (allergy) daughter for this and so much more! Vulnerable.